Love Shouldn’t Break You: How High-Performing Black Women Can Cultivate Healthier Relationships
Let’s be real—too many of us were raised to believe that love means endurance. That if we’re patient enough, strong enough, forgiving enough, we’ll finally be loved the way we deserve. That if we hold it down long enough, the weight will feel lighter. But let’s call it what it is—a lie.
Black women have been carrying relationships on our backs for generations, mistaking struggle for intimacy and emotional labor for love. We’ve been taught that being needed is the same as being cherished. That bending until we damn near break is just part of the deal. And when we finally hit our breaking point, we still hear, “But you’re so strong.”
Let me tell you something: Strong women deserve soft love, too.
Love Shouldn’t Cost You Your Peace
If a relationship—romantic, platonic, family, whatever—has you constantly second-guessing yourself, if it drains you more than it fills you, if your needs are always an afterthought, that is not love. That’s survival mode disguised as connection.
A healthy relationship should feel like home—not a battlefield.
So why do so many of us end up carrying dead weight, ignoring red flags, and convincing ourselves that “nobody’s perfect” when the truth is, we’re settling? Because we were never taught that we are allowed to want more.
Signs You’re Holding On to What’s Hurting You
Be honest with yourself:
Do you feel like you have to “earn” love by overextending yourself?
Are you constantly exhausted in this relationship?
Does the other person expect grace, patience, and understanding—but never return the favor?
Are you afraid to set boundaries because you know they’ll react badly?
Do you feel lonely, even when they’re right next to you?
If any of this hits home, let this be your wake-up call. You don’t have to stay where you are not poured into.
We Deserve Better. Period.
Let’s talk about what real, healthy love looks like—because some of us have never actually experienced it.
Love should be a safe place, not an endurance test.
Love should respect your boundaries, not punish you for having them.
Love should feel reciprocal, not like a full-time job with no paycheck.
Love should see you, honor you, and not require you to shrink.
And let me say this louder for the people in the back: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO STAY JUST BECAUSE YOU’VE INVESTED TIME.
That’s not love—that’s fear.
Breaking the Cycle Starts with You
Unlearning toxic relationship patterns takes work. It takes accountability. It takes choosing yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable. But here’s the truth: The love you allow into your life will either nourish you or slowly destroy you. You get to decide which one you’re going to accept.
At Yemaya Wellness Center, we’re here to help you do the work—to unpack the patterns, to heal from the wounds, and to step into relationships that actually feel good. You don’t have to do this alone.
It’s time to stop fighting for love and start receiving it.